Which one of us would make
the better bridesmaid? Let’s talk about that.( music playing )Good mythical morning. Friends, I must advise you,
today’s episode is best enjoyed with a red Solo cup,
some buffalo wings and a smile because we’re gonna be
performing the best
ranch dressing keg stand on this side
of the Mississippi! Well, either side
of the Mississippi because who’s ever done
a ranch keg stand before? – I don’t think anybody!
– No one, that’s who! We’ll also be
taking a look at the most expensive pets
in the world. But first, what’s more expensive
than an extravagant wedding? And just because we’re men,
and trust me, we are. Do we have to prove it
at this point? – Apparently.
– I’d rather not because of what
that would entail. That doesn’t mean that
we can’t learn a thing or two about how to become
the perfect bridesmaid. And we found the perfect
person to help us do it. It’s time for…( both singing )Please welcome to the show
Jen Glantz. – Hey, Jen.
– Hello, hi! – ( applause )
– Hello. Thank you
for having me. And, that’s right, we did say
“professional bridesmaid.” So, Jen, you gotta tell ’em
what that means. So, for the past three years,
I’ve been working for my company
called “Bridesmaid For Hire” where brides all over
the country hire me to walk down the aisle for them,
give a wedding toast for them, and be their bridesmaid
for the day. To make weddings
less of a disaster. Oh, I didn’t mean
to be negative,
to make them awesome. No, weddings are a disaster,
I’ll be real with you, they are a crazy disaster. Simply put, I say
I’m the personal assistant, the social director,
I’m the on-call therapist, and I’m the peacekeeper
every wedding I’ve been to has been a drama fest. So is this for people who, like,
don’t have well-spoken friends? No, you know, what I always say
is it’s for people
who have friends, but their friends
are super busy, their friends aren’t
the best of friends, or it’s for people who just
grew apart from their friends. People with bad friends. Simply put,
people with bad friends. Who still want
a great wedding. Who wants to feel supported because being a bride
is the ultimate stresser. – It is so hard.
– Link: Yeah. It’s really a tough job to do. Well, we’re about to find out just how difficult it is
to be a bridesmaid. So what we’ve done is we’ve
created a series of challenges – based on some of your work.
– Yes. And now we’re gonna determine,
once and for all, who is
the better bridesmaid.( music playing,
glass clinking )Okay, Jen, what are some of
the things we bridesmaids should know about
when it comes to giving
a speech at the wedding? I will tell you three things, one, keep it short, it should never be
over two minutes. – Okay.
– Two, please avoid clichés. Nobody wants to hear quotes
from all those love poems
we’ve all heard about – over and over and over again.
– ( blows raspberry ) – And finally…
– Don’t know those anyway. Good, thank God. And, number three,
please avoid inside jokes because you’re talking to an
audience and if they don’t get what happened on spring break
four years ago, no one’s gonna laugh… Purple raccoon hair? – ( fake laugh )
– Anybody? ( chuckles ) – Rhett: Okay, so…
– Oh, just you? …we’ve got those
three things, but, for this round,
what we’re gonna do is we have to give a speech, we’re actually gonna hold it
to 60 seconds, but we actually have
to each pick three things
out of this hat, three random details,
parameters or whatever that we have to include
in our speech. – Ooh.
– And I’m gonna go first. I gotta remember
three things? Jen:
I wonder what they are. Me too. Okay, these are three things
I have to include in my speech. And we’re gonna be giving
this toast to Bibiana because that’s the best name
on “The Bachelor” this season. – I like it.
– Best “name.” “She has a happy trail
that gets thicker
every time she shaves it.” – Oh, gosh.
– I think I know that is. “She has a huge collection
of frozen gerbils.” This is
an interesting person. “We met in prison.” Okay, Rhett,
you’ve got 60 seconds, you got
your microphone there, and your champagne there. And your time begins… now. Bibiana, I’ll never forget
that time that… you snuck up and shivved
that guy that was picking on me out on the basketball court
and he bled out
in front of everybody. Thanks for that. It was at that time
that I looked down and
saw that happy trail of yours. And then, lo and behold,
you shaved it that night and 48 hours later,
it was like a blacktop highway. Curt’s gonna enjoy travelling that
happy trail tonight. Curt. Got something
to look forward to. Now, your future’s
gonna be like your collection
of frozen gerbils. And what I mean by that is
things can get cold in a couple, in a relationship. And sometimes you just have
to reach in the refrigerator that is your heart and rub your gerbil as hard as you possibly can
until it comes back to life. Let’s give it up
to Bibiana and Curt! – ( applause )
– Time! Uh… Okay, I just wanna… Okay,
I’m not gonna comment. Don’t ask
any questions. You will judge both of us
after I have had an opportunity to give my hopefully
better speech. It’s not easy to get those
three details out there. I can’t remember
three things. I mean, I referenced mine,
so just have them out
if you have to. “You are the only one who knows
about her secret family.” – Oh.
– Nice. “She is banned from
six different Applebee’s.” Yeah, okay. “She gets coffee enemas
every Wednesday, and she loves it.” Yeah, she does! Goodness. Here’s your microphone, Link. Time starts… now. “Bibliana,”
here’s to you. Or however
you say your name. We’ve had some good times. Applebee’s. And then that
other Applebee’s. And then that time when you
were at the third Applebee’s and then they said
you could never come back because you were always going
into the Applebee’s
totally naked. And I was there
for all of it. With the happy trail,
just going nowhere. Here’s the deal, you’ve trusted me with some
intimate, intimate knowledge relating to that
secret family of yours. And I want you to know I will
never tell anybody, ever about your secret family. If all of your un-secret
family gathers around, I will never once mention
this secret family because I love you that much. – Seven seconds!
– And you know what? After this, why don’t we go get
one of those coffee enemas like we always do? You know? Just…
lot of coffee up there. Time! Time! Time! – Link: That was difficult.
– Nice job, nice job. Okay, all right, Jen,
what do you think? Wow, that was very,
very tough. You had a great challenge
ahead of you. – Rhett: Yep.
– But I’m gonna say that I have to
give it to Rhett because he took
the gerbil and made it
into a metaphor, – and I am a sucker
for metaphors in speeches…
– Yes! …so I have to give
that one to Rhett.( music playing,
phone chiming )Okay, Jen, you said that
at times you have to be
like a therapist… – Yes.
– …for the bride. – Oh, yeah.
– And I’m assuming that a lot of times the bride
is getting cold feet and is thinking
about backing out, so how do you handle
that situation? A lot of times I get phone calls
in the middle of the night talking about how the bride
doesn’t want to go through
with the wedding, how she doesn’t know which
salad dressing to choose
for her wedding… – That’s a tough one.
– …the littlest details, yeah, it falls on me,
so when the bride calls
with a big dilemma, the number one thing
I like to say, and I think you guys
will be good at that, is use humor. Make it fun, make her laugh, if you can make
a person laugh, you can get them
down the aisle. – Okay.
– Okay. It’s good because we’re
about to receive a phone call from our bride in need
of some emotional support. – And she’s got cold feet.
– Jen: Yeah. But before she calls,
we need you to assign us
some parameters to work within, and make it
even more difficult. – Yes.
– I’m gonna make it
a little bit more challenging. So, Rhett, you are going to
have to speak to her in rhymes. And that’s not it,
you’re also going to be against recycling. – Clearly.
– Okay? What rhymes with
“recycling,” Rhett? I don’t know. But, Link,
yours is a little challenging because you need to act like
you are on a roller coaster and that you have
a conspiracy that horses are just big dogs. ( laughs )
That’s pretty good. Horses are just big dogs? – That’s your challenge.
– Okay. Any second now, we should be
getting that phone call. Rhyme with “recycling.” – ( phone chiming )
– Oh. Oh, our phones are
ringing together. – Hello? Tick, tick, tick.
– Hello? I can’t do it! I can’t go through
with the wedding, it’s all a mess,
I can’t do it anymore! Ellie, just calm down, breathe in through the mouth
and out through the ears. Yeah, Ellie, tell me
all your problems. – I’d really love to solve ’em.
– I can’t do it! I was looking up
on Instagram, I found his
seventh grade girlfriend, she’s a competitive ice dancer and I think he must
be in love with her!And if he’s not in love
with her, that’s crazy,that’s weird,I don’t think I should
marry him anyway. ( screaming ) – Ellie…
– I agree. …just calm down, girl. Listen, you’ve already
made the choice now all you need
to is just fa…! …ollow through
with it. – You ever ridden a horse?
– ( Rhett chuckles ) Once, when I was
in summer camp. Okay, you say that
she’s an ice skater, but… you don’t have to hate her because the thing that you
should hate is recycling because it’s overhyped and
unnecessary for the environment. Whoo! Wait, you know what, Ellie? Have you ever
ridden a dog? When I was a kid. Well, did you know that
if you rode a dog, you’ve also
ridden a horse? Because I’m pretty sure
they’re the same thing. What does that have to do
with anything? – Link: It’s like…
– There’s something wrong
with his brain. It’s like, as scary as it is
to ride a horse,if you’ve known
you’ve ridden a dog,then you know you don’t
have anything to worry about when marriage
seems scary. Let’s get back to
the issue at hand, you really, really
need to marry this man. Oh! Oh! Why am I
the only one moving? Okay. Well, I have to go… Feeling better, Ellie? You guys all make
really good points. I’m definitely never
gonna recycle and I love dogs.But I have to go,
I have a laser hair,nipple hair removal,
and… gotta go. Bye! Did she say “nipple hair”? – Ugh.
– ( Jen laughs ) Okay. Okay, all right. – Wow.
– That was difficult. – It is.
– I don’t know if we succeeded. I can’t tell if
she’s in or out. I think,
after listening to both you talk her down the aisle, Rhett you did a great job
with the rhymes, great job with your
point of view on recycling, but, Link,
you got her to laugh, you got her to
calm down, you used your conspiracy theory
to talk her down the aisle, so I have to
give this one to you. – What?
– Yeah! Whoa! –( music playing )
– Woman:Whoo!Now you’ve probably seen
get into vicious fights over the bouquet
because they know, if you catch that bouquet, your chances of dying alone
significantly decrease. – Right.
– But, Jen, tell us, what is
the proper etiquette for catching a bouquet
as a bridesmaid? So I’ve caught a lot of
bouquets in my lifetime. I’m gonna give you
two quick tips, one, stay low,
squat down, get low. – Oh, that’s a problem.
– Why is that? Because when things
are being thrown at you, then you can
jump higher. So you gotta get
as low as you can go. – I know it’s tough.
– I don’t think there’s a lot
of jumping happening in these. I know it’s tough,
but you gotta get low. The second tip is stay wide.
You wanna extend your body – ’cause things can be
flying here, here, here.
– Low and wide. You wanna be able to
grab them no matter where
they come to you. – Okay.
– Okay. So we’ve got some beautiful, mythical brides
over here. Becca, Ellie, and Jen. They’re gonna
be throwing some bouquets
towards us, but not every bouquet
is worth catching, some of them are decoys and we shouldn’t
catch them. Since we’re tied,
since I won round one, – you won round two…
– Yes? …whoever has more bouquets
on their person at the end,
’cause you gotta hold ’em all, is our best bridesmaid. All right,
let’s get to it. All right, brides,
turn around and start tossing
your bouquets. ( dinging ) ( Rhett and Link grunting ) Oh, no, bad. You’re getting too close! Oh, what is that,
a bag of sugar? You can’t get close! A freakin’ bag of flour. Oh! Oh! ( slow-motion )
Oh! Oh! ( normal )
Oh! You nailed me in the face! What was that? ( laughter ) You nailed me
right in the face! Oh, my gosh! Well, she’s just throwing a– Hey, that’s edible art! Oh, my… I’m so scared now. I can’t feel
the right side of my face! I smell– is that carrots? Link:
Oh! ( grunting ) You’re in the middle,
you jerk! Man:
Five, four, – three, two, one.
– Throw it! Whoa! – All right.
– Okay. – Jen: All right.
– What? First of all… ( laughter ) Did something hit you
in the face? Oh, you got a little bit
right there. What the crap? – Like right in there.
– Hit me… in the face! I think it was flour. Based on the… the consistency
and the color. ( stammers ) Who’s president?
I don’t know. – Don’t tell me.
– Okay. Being a bridesmaid
is tough, but I think it’s very
apparent who won this round. Rhett, you collected
the most bouquets, so you are
the ultimate bridesmaid. – But, you know what?
You look great, Link.
– Jen: Yeah. But I guess
I’m the best bridesmaid on “Good Mythical Morning.” – Yay!
– I’m coming for you. ( laughter ) Stay tuned ’cause we’re about
to do ranch dressing keg stands. You’re gonna be okay?Welcome to the jungle, baby.We’re on Amazon
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