Weekend Update: Girl at a Party on the 2016 Election


>>WITH THE ELECTION ONLY TWO
WEEKS AWAY, BOTH CANDIDATES ARE TRYING TO GET A FINAL MESSAGE TO
THEIR SUPPORTERS. HERE WITH HER FINAL THOUGHTS ON
THE ELECTION IS THE GIRL YOU HOPE TO START A CONVERSATION
WITH AT A PARTY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>HELLO MICHAEL CHE. THANKS FOR FINALLY LETTING A
WOMAN ON LATE-NIGHT TV. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SO I ASSUME YOU’RE NOT HAPPY WITH THE ELECTION?
>>HERE’S A THOUGHT, MICHAEL. MAYBE TRY BEING WOKE FOR A
CHANGE, OKAY? CAUSE “KEVIN CAN WAIT” BUT
SYRIAN REFEREES CAN’T. OKAY?
A NEWS FLASH, MICHAEL. 40% OF CHILDREN ARE JUST THEIR
LEGS. THAT’S ACCORDING TO DOCTORS,
MICHAEL CHE.>>YEAH, OKAY, CAN YOU PLEASE
TELL US ABOUT THE CANDIDATES?>>PLEASE DO NOT MAN-TERRUPT ME
WHEN I’M WO-MAKING A POINT, MICHAEL.
THIS ‘LECTION IS A MISGRACE, OKAY?
IT’S A COLOSTOMY, MICHAEL. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’M SORRY, BUT IF I CAN PLAY DOUBLES ABACUS FOR A SECOND.
I THINK WE ALL KNOW THE REASON JILLIAN ASSANGE IS IN JAIL IS
BECAUSE SHE’S A WOMAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT WOMEN HAVE TO DO WHEN WE VOTE?
WE HAVE TO SHOW OUR IUD. I’M SORRY.
THAT’S OUT-RIGHTEOUS, MICHAEL. THAT’S CALLED A BUBBLE STANDARD
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?
>>WHAT?>>BAAH, BAAH, BAAH.
>>WHAT ARE YOU DOING?>>THAT’S THE IMPRESSION OF YOU.
BECAUSE YOU’RE A SHEEP-HOLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>JESUS.>>QUICK.
WHO ARE YOU GOING FOR AS HALLOWEEN?
>>I DON’T REALLY DRESS UP FOR HALLOWEEN.
>>I’M GOING AS JUSTICE. DAVID JUSTICE.
>>THE BASEBALL PLAYER?>>WOW, SO ALL BLACK GUYS ARE
JUST ATHLETES TO YOU.>>HE PLAYS BASEBALL.
>>NO, MICHAEL, YOU JUST PLAYED YOURSELF.
>>OH MY GOD.>>SIS!
>>IS YOUR SISTER HERE?>>NO, I’M CALLING OUT CISGENDER
PEOPLE OUT THERE. I’M SERIOUS, MICHAEL.
I NEED TO GO TO CUBA SO BAD BEFORE WHITE PEOPLE RUIN IT.
>>YOU HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE ELECTION.
CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME WHO YOU’RE VOTING FOR?
>>HOW DARE YOU. THAT’S CALLED VOTER INSEMINATION
WHAT YOU’RE DOING, I’M SORRY. MY FRIEND’S FLOGS WERE RIGHT
ABOUT YOU.>>ALL RIGHT.
>>YOU KNOW, FINE, MAYBE TELL A JOKE INSTEAD SINCE THAT’S WHAT
THIS WHOLE ELECTION IS ANYWAY.>>FINE, TELL US A JOKE.
>>KNOCK KNOCK.>>WHO’S THERE?
>>INTERRUPTING POLAR BEAR.>>INTERRUPTING POLAR BEAR —
>>TOO LATE. GLOBAL WARNING ALREADY KILLED
HIM. AND NOW HE STINKED.
>>STINKED?>>YEAH.
THAT’S RIGHT. HE STINKED.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHY DON’T YOU CALL ME SAMSUNG
GALASSY, BECAUSE I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND UP.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]>>GIRL AT A PARTY, EVERYONE!
>>FREE EL CHEAPO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>MICHAEL CH

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Comments

  1. was Che on at the same time as Kenan thompson because that would mean SNL has 2 blacks on the show at once and that's as rare as snow in the Amazon.

  2. The implication that she only finds Cuba interesting because they are black…

    She finds Cuba interesting because they are black.

  3. Dud……😜👎……nothing but sarcasm and passive aggressive covert personal attacks stupid and boring you guys need to watch some lesbian porn …..both thumbs down two middle fingers up …..to snl …..

  4. Was the Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party patterned after Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez – or vice-versa?

  5. How does she do this? It's one wrong word after another, but she never ever breaks stride for even a split second. Wow.

  6. Shes been around since 2010.
    She has been known to predict the future.
    Bubble standard.
    Did SHE vote for AOC or Joe Crow?

  7. Is The Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party a parody of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez – or is it the other way around?

  8. Damn, she's funny. How she can get through all that with a straight face is beyond me! "40% of children are just their legs" made me spew coffee on my laptop.

  9. She needs her own channel.  I would SO watch.  Finally, I would be so up-to-my-dates in current issues and stuff across the world.  Maybe I could apply to be an anchorperson.  I would do anything from keep the boat her show would be on from floating away.

  10. The modern woman that spends too much time on social media and is half-retarded and offended by everything because it's easier to be constantly offended then put effort into something worth-while.

  11. We have to show our IUD.
    Thats called a bubble standard. Rosanne Rosanna Danna would have been proud. She is channeling Gilda Radnor in one sense.

  12. Best decision Lorne ever made, taking Cecily away from the shackles of hosting Weekend Update. She had waaaaaay too many funny characters in her to be stuck back there.

  13. Cecily’s weekend update characters are always unique, dynamic and nuanced….and hilarious! She deserves far more recognition.

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