What is Love?; Sustaining a Marriage; Appropriate Behavior – Maulana Syed Muhammad Rizvi

Coming Monday is a holiday in Ontario and many other provinces in Canada It’s known as the family day. I would like to talk about this Concept of the family. keeping that in mind What is the basis of the family? Of course, the foundation of a family is on the marriage relationship This is where the first Relationship between human beings was created by Allah (swt) Was between Adam and Eve. And so we have the husband and wife. And so this is what I would like to start with the The question, how does the marriage take place or what is the place of love in marriage? it’s interesting, I was reading an article just recently this week by a professor of Neurology from the UK. He begins his article about this concept of love in an interesting way he says, it’s basically this is a concept which is more expressed in our literature and language where he says the essence of love At least of passionately, romantic love is revealed in its very grammar. And then, you know some of the things which we take for granted, It’s a moment of reflection where he says we fall in love Not wander into it; We fall head-over-heels Not dragging our feet; Often at first sight rather than careful inspection. We fall in love madly, blind to the others vices, not in rational appraisal of their virtues. and so this is something very interesting to look at it from. of course, then he talks about Whether neurology or science has been able to even understand this phenomenon or not; Not yet. from the Islamic point of view when we talk about marriage and I have said this many many times, and I don’t shy away from repeating, even Allah swt repeats in the Quran again, and again. There are two main Basic criteria One is faith and the other is morals of the person. To be on the same page as far as the faith is concerned and to have a solid the foundation of character and Akhlaq ( morals) and behaviour. if these two things are there everything else, the social status, wealth, family background, beauty, colour, race These are all then secondary issues. and so where is love? Does Islam believe in this concept? Well, there is. Allah (swt) actually has promised That when a marriage takes place, he blesses the couple with two things [Arabic].. the divine laws This is what Allah says that then I come in and I do something, a magical thing, in the hearts of the couple And I create this sense of love and compassion towards each other. love and affection with compassion and beneficence. These are the blessings of Allah (swt) But in the context of a spouse that he talks about in surah Rum (Romans) ayat number 21. So the true love when we talk about this is actually a gift of Allah (swt) Upon marriage and not before it. May be before it, but after the proposal. I wouldn’t deny that, and that is again a sign of Allah (swt). and let the neurologists, psychologist, you know sociologists and philosophers Reflect on this phenomenon of love, and eventually, they come they will come to discover the signs of Allah (swt)’s mystery and power in human life. When we talk about love, of course, this is an inner feeling. Sometimes people dont have control over it and therefore we will not say to have love, attraction or compassion is haraam. No. But the expression of that comes within the parameters of the Sharia laws, divine laws And this is where we have to be very careful. Can a person express his feeling of love to somebody that he or she is not married to? And we are talking about love here in the context of marital relationship. of course not. There is no room for debate. There may be some young scholars these days who will say To some extent Yes. No. No, there is nothing. This is to be within the bounds of the marriage relationship. Can a person, overcome with the beauty of somebody say, I love you? You know, sometimes people don’t realize that Having a feeling in your heart is one thing, maybe you will not be held accountable for that because you can’t control it. Expressing it is something else. I was told by a lady Where there was a speaker/scholar, who had only seen her in religiious gatherings with hijab(veil). Outside the Islamic Center, she would not observe hijab. So he saw her somewhere And he said oh you are very beautiful masha’Allah. And this is somebody who you’re talking about is a religious scholar. This is where we have to realize that okay, you might have some feelings in your heart where you cannot control, but Expressing that becomes an issue from the religious point of view. that is where you will be held accountable. You know sometimes we think well, all these things are Haraam if it is done face to face. What about saying through text messages or electronic media? There’s no difference. What is haram face-to-face is haram by other mediums also. and What we do not reflect on, and this is where I will say That Muslims these days are trained to say Oh, let us go and ask the scientists, What do they say? and the psychologists? Look at your own basic sources. There is a concept in Quran where Allah (swt) talks about spiritual disease, the disease of the heart. Which is nothing to do with this physical heart. No. Yes for that You need to go, to the specialist heart doctor Get yourself treated or whatever. this is where Allah swt talks about the vicious hearts those people who have vices and diseases in their hearts. And Quran talks about it two different levels, one is on the level of theology in Aqeeda and right in the beginning of Sura Baqara, if you see where Allah (swt) talks about three types of people When it talks about the hypocrites he describes Hypocrisy as a sickness (vice) and disease in the heart Because what their tongue says is not what is in their heart because it is not reflecting the actual belief that a person has, this is known as when there is Kufr (disbelief) inside and iman on the tongue, this is known as Nifaq and hypocrisy. but on a practical moral level also there is a concept of spiritual disease And for this, you go to surah Ahzaab Surah number 33 ayat 32. Where Allah swt addressing the wives of the Prophet (saw) He says.. O the wives of the Prophet You are not like the normal Muslim women Provided you maintain Taqwa. If you have Taqwa than your status will go above them and then there are certain commands given to them the very first one given to the wives of the Prophet (saw) and This is where we realize, although it addresses them But the situations and the phenomenon and the challenges are common for everyone When you interact with people, men who are not Mahram to you – don’t be very soft in your talk in your tone What it means is that if they come to you and ask you a question. What was the view of the Prophet on this issue? you have to give the answer it is okay But your style of speaking should be formal Not very, you know make it very soft Why? Why is Allah (swt) talking to the wives of the Prophet in this way? Because if you start talking in a very pleasant manner – with a na mahram man Then what will happen? Then a fellow who has a sickness (vice) in his heart Who has a disease in his heart, We are not talking about hypocrisy We are talking about, you know, moral practical issues here He might start, you know, entertaining thoughts and ideas about you whatever you say to them, say in a kind manner But be formal in your conversation Just think about it. What is the scenario? You have the wives of the Prophet? What are they known in Quran? What is the title given to them? Mother of the believers. They are our spiritual mothers Who are the others who are coming and asking them questions they are their spiritual sons Even in that delicate relationship between spiritual mothers and spiritual sons Allah (swt) says be careful If that is the issue of you know interaction between Mothers of believers and the believers what about the rest of the Ummah and This is where we had to realize sometimes people say, oh, this is about the wives of the Prophet. No, this is a lesson look at the context and this where we have to realize when we talk about the issue of Mahramiyat ( modesty towards other gender) You know in these kinds of interactions You know, it’s not Might be considered to be an old-fashioned idea or whatever But this is based in the Holy Quran and the teaching and lessons from the Holy Prophet (saw) and Ahlul bayt (as) When we look at our own situation, let me just extend this theme on a different angle during these movements that we are going through, the #metoo movement It is easier to understand the emphasis that Islam has put on maintaining the boundaries of decency between opposite genders. Before that also it was there but it was a challenge because the majority of the people in this part of the world would not even, consider that to be Worthy of consideration at all. But Islam has been talking about these issues from day one and very clearly. We should not wait until a high-profile case like that of the Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein reaches to the court and Then it becomes a media issue and then the society starts talking about it No, Islam looks at the human nature, the fitrah And Allah (swt) knows better than anyone else the nature of the human being These issues have been very clearly mentioned when it comes to formal business type Interaction between opposite genders with the aura of decency, the environment of decency That is acceptable interaction But any kind of social interaction is not allowed the prohibition of Islam starts with the issue of you know physical touch and I actually took advantage of this “Me Too” movement to talk about it when our non-muslim visitors of different You know sectors of the community come here and I say Islam says No physical contact at all. so when there is no physical touch that is the beginning and if you maintain that, nothing moves further and this is where we have to realize for us Shaitaan is there And Shaitaan has challenged When he says to Allah (swt) that you know, I’m going to divert people from the right path. I’m going to sit in ambush on your right path And I’ll sit in ambush to attack them. Adam and his children because I was disgraced because of Adam then I’ll approach them from their front and from behind and from right side and from their left side and then Shaitaan Actually challenges Allah (swt), you will not find the majority of these people to be grateful to you and so we have to realize that Shaitaan looks for all situations and when he finds a man and a woman who are not Mahram in a situation where he can come in He comes in When the Prophet, Hazrat Muhammed Mustafa (saw) Went for his hajj, which is known as you know “The Farewell Pilgrimage” a lady, Relatively young, came to him to ask a question And while the Prophet was standing there beside him was Fadhal Bin Abbas his cousin a young man [Arabic] She was asking him rules about Hajj and Rasulallah noticed that Fadl was looking at her and she was looking at him [Arabic] Rasulullah physically put his hand on the face of Fadhal turned it the other way, you know, look the other way And then he says Then the Prophet says a young man and a young woman [Arabic] Because of their looking at one another he said Prophet said I was afraid Shaitan will come in between and this is where we have to realize that Shaitan looks for the Opportunities and that is where the Holy Propet (saw) says [Arabic] This eye can be a problem also this is sometimes used by the Shaitan and so we have to be very careful about it and he says whoever You know turns his eyes away out of the fear of displeasing Allah (swt) Allah will create this, you know happiness in his heart for his Iman ( faith) That sense of you know pleasure and satisfaction from Allah (swt) In another narration, which I Would not hesitate in repeating here this is a hadith Qudsi where the Prophet of Islam (saw) says [Arabic] [Arabic] it’s kind of a longer narration, but just one sentence for from that [Arabic] Because eyes This is one of the greatest blessings of Allah (swt) but this can be also used in a wrong way and so Allah (swt) says O children of Adam if your eyes Becomes rebellious You know is haram to look but the eye is still, you know going in the direction that I have made it Haram for you to look at it [Arabic] [Arabic].. Allah (swt) says I’ll help you Just by these eyelids that you have. You don’t need to go to a doctor and say I have a problem No, not even at your Maulana. Allah (swt) says if your eyes is looking at something that you know is haraam It’s not obeying you very simply just close your eyes Your eyelids Allah says I given you for that and this is where we have a to realize that you know Sometimes we think it’s difficult, but the weapons have been given to us and the solution are very easy if we have that consciousness of Allah (swt) in our mind at all the time. Let me end with a event from the life of Bibi Fatema (as) Tomorrow is the birth anniversary of the Bibi (as) and the narrator is Amirul Momineen Ali (as) where he says the Prophet came with a companion who was blind and he asked the permission to enter the house and This is where Fatemah (as) said hold on I want to put on the hijab And the Prophet asked why do you want to put on the hijab, he’s blind And she says yes, he can’t see me, but I can see him I want to maintain my own Sense of decency. not only that, You know those who are blind Allah(swt) somehow gives them other senses that are more powerful and Probably this is what she was referring to, that he cannot see me But he can still smell my presence and that is why I am putting on the covering and when the Prophet (saw) heard that response from Fatemah (as), he said.. [Arabic] I testify that you are, indeed part of me.

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