When Deputy Wiegel Married a Serial Killer – RENO 911!


♪ Ave dominus ♪ ♪ Dominus tecum ♪ ♪ Ave Maria ♪ ♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪ Alright, come right over here so he can get a good look
at you. (man)
‘And Craig wishes…to say’ a few words before the ceremony. Trudy, I just wanted to say that when I think of us I think of two lonely birds
without a nest ‘who found each other’ and created a nest
of their own… …made with love,
trust and understanding. And then…the State of Nevada
killed one of those birds. We are gathered here to join this man and this woman
in holy matrimony. Do you, Craig,
take this woman, Trudy to be your lawfully wedded wife
in holy matrimony to have and to hold,
till death do you part? Yeah, that’s-that’s
not a problem, yes. Hmm. ‘And do you, Trudy,
do you take this man, Craig’ ‘to be your lawfully wedded
husband in holy matrimony?’ Yes, I do. Therefore I pronounce you
man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mm-mmm. [whooping] Yay! Congratulations. (man)
‘Amen.’ – That was…
– ‘Great.’ GOOD MORNING, DEPUTIES!>>GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.>>WHO DID THE NEW “WHAT TO DO
IF YOUR CHILD IS MISSING” BROCHURE? THAT IS TOP-NOTCH WORK. MY GOD,
LOOK AT THAT. ALL GOOD NEWS. AND WE’RE AUTOMATING OUR SUICIDE
HOT LINE, BY THE WAY. WE’RE GOING TO AN AUTOMATED SYSTEM. Garcia: SAVING WEAR AND TEAR.>>WORKING THAT LINE WAS A REAL
BUMMER. SO DEPRESSING. Dangle: AUTOMATED SYSTEM NOW.>>NICE.>>OH, AND OTHER NEWS,
TRUDY’S COMING BACK TODAY FROM HER PERSONAL LEAVE. THAT’S 6
MONTHS OF PERSONAL LEAVE SHE TOOK. SHE’S COMING BACK TODAY. Junior: THAT’S OVER ALREADY? Dangle: YEAH. GOD, THAT FLEW,
DIDN’T IT?>>BOY.>>ANYWAY, GOOD WORK, EVERYONE. IT’S GONNA BE A RED LETTER WEEK,
I THINK, HERE.>>TA DA!>>OKEY-DOKE.>>HEY, EVERYBODY!>>MORNING.>>MORNING.>>ANYTHING ELSE WE SHOULD, UH,
WE GOT FOR TODAY?>>LET’S SEE,
WHAT ELSE ARE WE DOING? WE’VE GOT THAT BIG BUS COMING… ♪ BUH, BUH-BUH-BUH, BUH ♪
>>I’M BACK!>>OH, THE FAMILY CRIMES BUREAU
IS LOOKING FOR SOME VOLUNTEERS.>>I’M SORRY. EXCUSE ME ONE
SECOND, JIM. THIS IS THE CHAIR I USUALLY SIT IN AND, UM, I, UH… ESPECIALLY NOW WOULD BE
A GREAT TIME–>>WHY DON’T YOU SIT OVER THERE?>>THERE’S AN EMPTY CHAIR RIGHT
THERE.>>NO, NO, NO. MY ANKLE’S A
LITTLE SWOLLEN, SO I HAVE TO KEEP IT PROPPED UP.>>IF YOU WANNA SIT, SIT DOWN OR
SOMETHING.>>SPEAKING OF SWOLLEN…>>THAT IS…IT. LET’S BE
CAREFUL OUT THERE.>>ALL RIGHT.>>ALL RIGHT.>>WHOO! COMIN’ OUT. HA HA. WATCH IT.>>HEY, I’M GETTING A DAY-TIME
EMMY POLL SIGN-UP SHEETS UP. [CHEERING]
>>YAY! Junior: FINALLY, SOMETHING NEW
TO TALK ABOUT AROUND HERE. [SOBBING]
WIEGEL’S PUT ON A FEW POUNDS. [JUNIOR SNORTING LIKE PIG]
Junior: BEEN DRINKIN’, I GUESS. OO-EEE! WIEGEL’S BIG SECRET–BIG
SURPRISE–SHE’S GOT SOMETHING IN THE OVEN. I DON’T WANNA SAY IT’S
A BUN. MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE GARGOYLES
THAT LOOKS DOWN ON YOU FROM THE BUILDINGS.>>SOME KIND OF A DEAL.>>SOMETHING WITH HOOVES. [SHUDDERS]
>>YEAH, FILE THAT UNDER “I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.”>>LET ME JUST GIVE YOU A LITTLE
ADVICE. I’M GONNA WALK YOU THROUGH THE 101 OF HOW TO GET IT
DONE BEIN’ SOMEBODY’S MAMA.>>I COULD USE THAT.>>OK, FOLLOW ME.>>OK.>>HEY, CUT THAT RACKET OUT IN
THERE!>>HEY, CUT THAT RACKET OUT IN
THERE!>>GOOD. THAT WAS GOOD. THAT WAS
GOOD. THAT WAS GOOD. NOW, THIS IS–THIS IS…THIS IS ONE THAT I
USE OFTEN, OK? IF THE KIDS ARE CUTTIN’ UP, RUNNIN’ AROUND,
BEIN’ BAD, YOU CALL ‘EM IN THERE WITH A VERY STRONG VOICE AND YOU
SAY, “DON’T YOU MAKE ME–I WILL KNOCK ALL THE BLACK OFF-A YOU!”
OK, HOW ‘BOUT, UH… HOW ‘BOUT…>>I’LL KNOCK YOUR ASS INTO
TOMORROW. YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT GONNA HIT YA. THE TRUTH IS, I HAVE A SECRET.
AND THE SECRET IS THAT, I HAVE A CYST IN MY ABDOMEN
THAT’S THE SIZE OF A BOWLING BALL…AND THERE’S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE THAT I WILL ONLY LIVE FOR 3 MORE DAYS. JUST KIDDING! I’M JUST KIDDING. I’M PREGNANT! HA HA HA!>>HA HA. THAT WAS A FUNNY JOKE.>>IT’S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,
THOUGH.>>WELL, TECHNICALLY, THAT’S
WHAT IT IS. IT’S A GROWTH WITH FEET AND HAIR…ONLY, UH… EVENTUALLY IT’LL RESENT YOU.>>THAT’S TRUE. THAT’S SWEET.>>YEP. SO YOU DON’T KNOW A LOT ABOUT
ME, I MEAN YOU HAVEN’T KNOWN ME FOR VERY LONG, BUT I’VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO HAVE A CHILD.>>MMM.>>AND SO I FEEL KIND OF LIKE,
YOU KNOW… I DON’T KNOW IF BLESSED IS THE
WORD, BUT [BLEEP] LUCKY, FOR SURE.>>WELL, I’LL BE HONEST. I
DIDN’T… DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY,
BUT I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS TOO MANY CHANCES FOR YOU TO…TO GET
IN THE CONDITION THAT YOU ARE, SO I THINK YOU’RE RIGHT. I THINK
YOU ARE [BLEEP] LUCKY.>>WELL, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE
RUDE ABOUT IT.>>REMEMBER THAT SHOW YEARS AND
YEARS AGO,V?IT WAS A SHOW YEARS AND YEARS AGO.>>OH, YEAH, ABOUT THEM LIZARD
PEOPLE?>>THEM LIZARD PEOPLE, MAN. WHAT IF…WHAT IF WIEGEL HAD A
“V” BABY? Dangle: MORNING, GANG. Officers: MORNING.>>TRUDY, WHAT WAS IT YOU WANNA
SAY?>>YEAH, I HAD AN ANNOUNCEMENT. UM…>>YOU’RE PREGNANT.>>NO, THAT–
Jones: YOU’RE PREGGERS.>>OH, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! WOW!>>NO, THAT’S NOT MY
ANNOUNCEMENT BUT, YOU KNOW, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING. UM… CRAIG IS NOT THE FATHER…IF
THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING. TURNS OUT HE WAS SHOOTING
BLANKS.>>SHUT UP, GIRL! OOH! WHO YOUR
BABY DADDY?>>IF IT’S NOT–WHERE DID YOU
GET–>>I WENT TO THE, UM, SPERM BANK
ON FOURTH STREET. Williams: DID YOU, NOW? Wiegel: GREAT FACILITY. VERY
CLEAN. THEY HAVE DIXIE CUPS THAT THE GENTLEMEN USE, I GUESS. Williams: I HEARD THERE WAS
A LONG WAITING LIST.>>IT’S–IT’S NOT A DIXIE CUP. Wiegel: NO, NO. YOU CAN JUST
WALK RIGHT IN. BUT ANYWAY, I WAS IN THERE. IT’S VERY CLEAN. I GOT
A GREAT DEAL. Williams: OOH! WELL, WELCOME TO
THE SISTERHOOD. I DON’T KNOW SOME OF MY BABY’S DADDIES
EITHER. HA! GO AHEAD ON, TRUDY! Wiegel: IT’S A GREAT PROGRAM
THEY HAVE THERE, ‘CAUSE, GUYS, YOU DON’T MAKE THAT MUCH MONEY
IF YOU WORK FOR THE CITY OR WHATEVER IT IS. YOU CAN JUST GO
IN AND THEY PAY YOU–I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. 10 BUCKS, 20
BUCKS.>>$31.>>$31 TO SQUIRT OFF IN–
>>THAT’S WHAT I’VE HEARD.>>PLUS ORANGE JUICE AND A
COOKIE.

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Comments

  1. ๐Ÿ˜ถ the majority of serial killers in the u.s. are in the ages between 35 and 45 mostly Caucasian male

  2. Donor 1: โ€œ$31.00 is what I heard.โ€
    Donor 2: โ€œPlus orange juice and a cookie.โ€

    lolololololo…….

  3. Lieutenant Dangle is based on a real person in Reno HP. I dated his daughter and almost lost my shit when I met him!

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