When dirty talk goes horribly wrong | Story Party Tour | True Dating Stories


– So about five years ago
I was living in London in the UK as we’ve all done at some point. And a friend of mine
and I decided to go out and we went out in the southwest which is where all the
weird rich people are. And all the Australians.
(laughter) And a couple of tequila
shots later I know I left with a bloke. I know my friend didn’t care. And I woke up in a hotel room somewhere in Sloane Square. With a very very strange dude. I said to the guy now
did something happen, did something? You know the next day
and you’re not quite sure and you sort of sit there going? (laughter) Did something happen?
(laughter) So he woke up and something
happened didn’t it. And we proceeded to get down to business. Which is all fine and well. And for a bit of backstory, I fucking hate talkers. I absolutely fucking hate talkers. I don’t like directions. I don’t like any kind of
verbal communication at all. And I really really hate it
when they get up in your ear and you can’t really
tell what they’re saying, it’s just kind of weird. (whispering)
Pussy. (whispering)
(laughter) Shut the fuck up. I don’t care.
(cheering) It’s not good, I’m sure it’s not original. I watch porn with the sound off. (laughter) And just put on Spotify in the background because the ads are better than. (whispering)
Pussy. (laughter) I don’t fucking like it. Anyway.
(laughter) We get so far in I’m very
very fucking hungover. I’m not quite sure where I am. I think my friend is alive. And right now I’m just
rolling with the situation that I am in which is
on top of this bloke. And, he then proceeds to lay back and elaborately narrate
his own personal fantasy. I don’t remember all of it. I blocked out quite a bit of it. (laughter) But I know it was about slavery. (laughter) And I was playing an integral part. (laughter) And thank fuck his eyes were closed. Because I was basically
pulling the same face that I am now.
(laughter) Trying not to make a noise, because it just would’ve
ruined it for him. He was somewhere else.
(laughter) Then he proceeded to slap my
ass so hard that I had marks on it for a fucking week.
(laughter) At this point I was dissociating so hard that it didn’t even hurt.
(laughter) I was somewhere off in the
slavery fantasy as well. (laughter) And then I left and he
bought me a coconut water. (laughter)

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